so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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