I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
