I think my fart just growled at me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
