is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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