Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
