i don't like sucking hair
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
