Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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