I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
