can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just puked most of my soul out..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
