Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
