She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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