OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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