He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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