He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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