did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
