Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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