The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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