He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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