3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just had sex on a roof
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
