I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
