I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
