You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
