lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
