I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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