you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
