I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
