Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
