We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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