I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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