i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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