I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
