Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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