Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
