Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
