i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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