So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
