i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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