i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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