Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
