i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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