I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
