I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
