so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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