watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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