Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
