I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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