i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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