i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
