So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
