Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
