No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
