he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
