He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So much rum. So many feels.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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