So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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